Layoff Etiquette: Connecting with Laid-off Friends & Colleagues

After gradually coming to feel like Typhoid Mary since my own layoff, I was told by some friends that people don’t know what to say to a friend who has been laid off, so here are some Do’s and Don’ts based on my own experience. (Your mileage may vary.)

DO ask how your friend is doing, and check in from time to time via phone, email, text, FaceBook.

DO feel free to talk about the things you always talked about – (that includes sharing things like your own promotion or job change – and even griping about your own job, BTW!)

DO suggest going out for coffee/lunch/drinks – especially if you did this before the layoff – but if you’re suggesting the place, choose somewhere there is a range of prices for food & drinks.

DO be empathetic. A simple, “I’m sorry to hear about your layoff” is sufficient. No one wants to be pitied.

DO take your cues from your friend/colleague – some people are open about their layoff and other people prefer not to talk about it.

DO avoid feeling guilty that you still have your job. It’s quite likely your laid-off friend has already been in your position, and it’s quite likely you may one day be in his or hers.

DO share info about a potential job lead if you think your friend/colleague might be a fit.

DO avoid making promises you cannot or will not keep – don’t promise to pass on a resume, or to put in a good word to an employer unless you really intend to do so, and comfortably can w/o marring your own professional reputation.

DO avoid making assumptions about your friend’s finances – they may have a nest egg or a working spouse. They may have already had that vacation or that move planned. They may be well-off enough NOT to be drawing unemployment.

DO avoid well-meaning (?) comments that can land wrong: “Don’t worry”, “Oh, you’ll find something real quick”, or “Wow, I thought someone with your [insert field/degree/skills] would have no trouble finding a job”

And last but not least:
DO NOT – EVER! – ask “How’s the job hunt going?” This is just like asking a fat friend how their diet is going. Do NOT ask this under any circumstances! Ever. Period. Rest assured, if you're friends, you'll hear how the job hunt is going from your friend.

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